Brain Dump

Every day I consider what I might blog today - when it's something I think is half decent I don't have the time, and when I do have the time I think it's not worth bothering about...

Needless to say it's that crazy time of year again and I am quietly freaking out about two of my children starting something new (school and kinder) in the next couple of months. I'm pretty sure I'm not ready, and I'm pretty sure that's too bad because it's happening ready or not!

On the other hand, perhaps it will be liberating to have one little one (or no little one if grandma is on hand) and several hours each week to get into those areas of clutter that drain me each day I walk around my home. Perhaps I will find the mental space to figure out what to do when I grow up, and scale back my addiction to watching gems line up in threes, fours and fives.*

Oh please, higher power, puppet master, inner goddess or whoevertheheckyouare, let me get on with things!


*if you don't know what this means you don't need to, if you do, you know exactly what I mean...is that ever addictive or what?

In the garden...

All is well enough in our little household. I am as scattered as ever as the year marches towards it's close but now and then I manage to do something useful I think!

We decided to forgo the full vegie patch this year as we couldn't really settle on a spot...the existing beds weren't well positioned for growing and so for now I'm making do with some pots outside my kitchen.

My babe wakes me well before 6.00am and I really enjoy the early morning potter around the plants, and getting some water into them before the hot day hits!

I see fighting over strawberries in our future and will endeavour to plant some more over the next little while. The baby got the first one, and the second one that was going to be for the big boy...(grabbed it when I wasn't looking!) Middle is yet to have one but there is one ripening as we speak and I suspect she'll have it tomorrow (if babe doesn't get there first!)

Tomorrow I'll tell you about my worms (oh the composting type if you don't mind...)

Getting it together...

I'm trying, ever so hard, to get my stuff together. Sometimes it feels like all the steps are adding up to something, but every now and then I'd swear I'm going backwards.

I'm trying not to wait to do the things I need to do...you know that stuff you say you'll do after you've done this and this and this...? And it really is so very satisfying to JUST DO IT!

The silly season isn't a huge deal in our family as most of our extended relos are far away, but there are still things I'd like to do before December hits.

So I'm sure you'll forgive me as my posting gets more sporadic (urm yeah, well it always has been anyways) and I try to get all my ducks in a row.

PS: I'm just thinking about that expression and how hard it would be to actually get ducks in a row unless they chose to be that way and perhaps that's why it's so difficult to get anything done...

Working mum

Just pondering this tonight...

I think I was on Facebook, passing my oh so precious time playing a game (yeah you know the one) whilst my wee one fed to sleep. I have many excuses for sitting on my bum at the computer (sometimes I'm looking up a recipe or a phone number...get sidetracked, you know all about it) and I often wonder whether my children will remember me as always on the computer (heaven forbid please no!)

There are so many other things we do, around the house, visiting with friends, running errands, kinder, crafts and so on...but I do feel my need for fairly instant stimulation and communication with other adults means the computer is frequently used throughout the day. My feelings are that this will change significantly over the next few years as my kids go to school and I gain other responsibilities (work anyone?) but I digress (kind of!)

What kind of role model am I anyway? If I went to work, I'd be more organised, and kicking goals in some capacity I hope...but this role of mine as a mother is still reasonably new. I guess I've been doing it for almost 6 years, but the challenge of three still has me on a learning curve. Do my kids get and see the best of me in this role? Would they have appreciated me more if I'd been a working mum already? I know if I was at work I wouldn't be yelling at people when I was upset or disappointed. I would be diplomatically sorting out problems. I would be respectful toward others at all times.

Guess this job really is the hardest one in the world...

Baby Steps

These days so many of us want what we want NOW. Whether it's something materialistic, or a goal we want to achieve, it seems people generally are less patient than ever.

I find myself caught up in this in both big and little ways. Sometimes I forget that there probably will be a tomorrow, and a day after, and another and so on (universe willing, I really would like to live a happy long life). Little by little time passing is a given. Most of the things that I want aren't achieveable in a day, or even weeks.

There are many times when I've not started something because I know I'm going to be interrupted or not complete something the same day - I think that's pretty normal when there are small children in your care. When it comes to bigger types of goals, be it study or finding fitness it can be hard to start and not know when you're going to reach your goal.

Although it's a cliche 'Rome wasn't built in a day' is particularly apt. Even when it comes to parenting and the usual voices in our head ask "when is he going to learn?", it's good to remind ourselves that our children, as are our lives, are infact 'works in progress'.

Non knitters have said to me, "oh I couldn't knit a whole jumper it takes too long", but many of us have knit jumpers and know it's just a matter of one stitch at a time over and over until it's done (OK I know you're laughing if you still have one or several unfinished from years ago like I do...).

Baby steps, softly, slowly...one after the other...who knows where you might end up? Perhaps before you know it you've reached your goal!

I'm all in a muddle!

Maybe I just shouldn't neglect this blog...

You know I have so much crap in my head. Really so much...and it's probably unfair to dump it on people.

The other blog, that I started in a wave of inspiration...well who knows what it will come to. If it vanishes mysteriously don't be surprised.

I think we all have parts of our lives we want to change. Although I think I have the internal motivation to make change, it really does help to have people to share that experience and spur each other along, no matter what the change is. And it's not even people saying 'well done', it sharing successes and knowing other people are having the same challenges or hurdles, and learning how they overcame them.

Overall I think I've been feeling low about myself for a long long time. The negative voices in my head are so ingrained now that I barely notice them. Of course if I look closely I'm kicking goals in some areas, but I know I let myself down in others. I NEED goals, and I NEED to achieve them to restore a little bit of confidence. Some of my goals will indeed be superficial and not necessarily the most important ones but my number one goal right now is just to achieve SOMETHING I set out to achieve.

Not another blog...

I have started a new blog called A Life Makeover, which is more a personal journal as I try to makeover some areas of my life. It could be very boring, or perhaps it could inspire...either way it's invite only, so could you please drop me a comment with your email if you would like an invite.

My hope is to get some words of encouragement from time to time, or to share with those who can relate.

PS: On further reflection I feel more self conscious about having the new blog private than not...so it's now a public blog. Don't expect anything profound, I really just wanted people on a similar path to be able to share their own experiences and support one another in setting goals and reaching them.